Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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