woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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