i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
