Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just cropdusted the office
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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