But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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