i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
