I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
