I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
