I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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