Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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