; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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