a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize