Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
