Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
