Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
