When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
