Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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