Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
