My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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