he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
