Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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