I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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