I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
