That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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