I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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