During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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