dude i'm inner monologue high
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
