i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
