Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
