I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize