Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
