I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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