LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
