I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
