sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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