fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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