if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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