I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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