I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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