we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
