I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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