Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
