woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
