if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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