i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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