I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
