She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were trust falling into bushes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize