I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
