I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
