let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
