Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
