So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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