I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
