i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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