my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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