girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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