So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
