I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
