just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
