I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
