real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
