and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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