and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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