I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
