Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
