We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
