see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.