i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.