Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"