The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work