I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
