Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?