Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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