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• (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  did you answer or finish?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  both

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.

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• (516): View more from New York

  He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.

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• (760): View more from California

  MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."

  (631): View more from New York

  That text took me 10 minutes.

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• (408): View more from California

  I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?

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